Monday, July 22, 2013

Hope in the Lord Becky!

My Soul Waits for the Lord

Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord!
    O Lord, hear my voice!
Let your ears be attentive
    to the voice of my pleas for mercy!
If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities,
    O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness,
    that you may be feared.
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
    and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
    more than watchmen for the morning,
    more than watchmen for the morning.
O Israel, hope in the Lord!
    For with the Lord there is steadfast love,
    and with him is plentiful redemption.
And he will redeem Israel
    from all his iniquities.

Hope.  Hope in the Lord Becky. 
   I had a moment today with the Lord that I will never forget.  A grace moment, a full, rushing peace moment that will stick with me forever.  
I was dropping Reese off at day camp.  Now this is a camp that I have never been to or seen and my “plan”, a good sturdy plan I might add, was to park, walk him in, meet his counselor and “create” comfort in the mist of the unknown and my anxiety.  I just had to ward off the anxiety...I knew I could do it...this was a good plan...comfort was in reach. I crave the comfort.  
Well this plan, my expectation to “create” peace in my unsettled heart was blown the moment we drove up.  No place to park, no time for hugs and kisses, just a quick goodbye and he was gone. Gone.  
My plan was blown and I began to unravel.  What???  This is not how I planned.  My desire for comfort soared and I felt like I was drowning under it’s weight...suffocation consumed me.  I drove off uneasy, thinking and creating worst case scenarios in my head...he didn’t find his counselor, he panicked and is looking for me....and then there it was....HOPE IN THE LORD BECKY.  What? How Lord?  What has happened here? efforts, my plans, my expectations for peace have been what?  What is left?  Me. It was all about matter what I was going to get comfort, get the peace I so desired. I was trying to be my own creator.  
See the Lord gave me something today...a grace beyond measure.  He didn’t allow me to create my comfort, to steady my world in my own efforts. 
He gracious allowed two amazing things this morning.  
One: He was my only comforter.  He showed me that in my life I worship the created moments that only bring brief comfort and peace.  In my everyday happens I squeeze God out and get busy making life work for me. “Get busy!”, I say to better get busy or things are going to be a mess if you don’t make something happen quick! I then create moments of peace that give me a feeling of being alive apart from my Creator.     I become my own creator of hope. 
But his grace allowed for me to unravel today...I searched, I cried out and found that my efforts were in vain.  Hope in the Lord Becky...hope in Him alone. 
He gave me pure hope.  He is the protector and sovereign God over my children and no amount of my effort or control will create safety for either of them.  I find though that often times, if I am really honest, I really want these moments of peace for me.  For my “self” kingdom-my sinful selfish world of pleasure. It makes me feel good to know my kids are safe.  It makes me feel good to control and have comfort over them and my immediate surrounds. So really I am doing all this for me...not them. 
What a grace.  He opens eyes to see the ugly...the sin and then he pours He unrelenting, never-failing love over you and with plentiful pleasure He redeems.  Plentiful redemption...thank you Jesus!

Second; His love and grace did not allow me to be comfort for my son.  No, only Jesus was...He is his only comfort and for me to walk around designing and orchestrating a mirage of comfort for him will do a mighty disservice to him creating a lifetime of disappointments and frustrations.  See, as we all know, kids grow up, they move on and then what?  Who comes along and “creates” avenues of pleasure and pain-free events for them? 
See these are the moments...those hard pressing moments where all we want to do is scoop up and mend all the wounds and what they need more than ever is to be loving directed to their only Savior.; their Creator...their only healer and peace giver! Oh Lord give me strength to direct and gently press them to their Creator! 
Thank you Jesus not only for creating the world and each one of us but also creating little profound moments of grace, everyday grace, that redeem and give life to all. 

Hope in the Lord.

Saturday, July 13, 2013


This girl is growing way too fast!  It won't be long and I will be the shortest person in the family!!!